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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23543098">Fuck me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gyoro_and_Ururun/pseuds/Gyoro_and_Ururun'>Gyoro_and_Ururun</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Badass Women, Crack, Except it's consensual, F/M, Minor Angst, Sex Pollen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 05:46:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,364</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23543098</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gyoro_and_Ururun/pseuds/Gyoro_and_Ururun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy gets infected by sex pollen and the Avengers are fortunate that she has previously indicated an 'emergency sex pollen partner.'</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Darcy Lewis/Loki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>188</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Darcy Lewis April Fool's Crack Challenge 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Fuck me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/leftennant/gifts">leftennant</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So uh, we can partially blame this on Lefty coz well. Talk happened and then this fic happened. LOL. </p><p>If I've missed any tags, do let me know. I've never written anything like this.</p><p>This is for the "Unlikely antidote" prompt too.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Darcy sat at the desk in front of Nick Fury in complete silence, wondering how long he was going to keep her waiting like this. It wasn’t like she was after some high and mighty SHIELD job; she just wanted to work PR or something with the Avengers and yet here she was, half an hour and barely a word. Her application wasn’t exactly complicated; it had most of the usual things, though she may have added a few extras. Some weird extras. Oh well.</p><p>“So. Am I getting the job or am I getting escorted out?” Darcy asked.</p><p>“Miss. Lewis, what the <em>hell</em> is this? Under ‘other information’ you have, correct me if I’m reading this wrong, an ‘emergency sex pollen sex partner’ contact,” Fury said, sounding both annoyed and exasperated</p><p>“Yes, I do,” Darcy answered as if it were the most normal thing ever.</p><p>“What the hell is sex pollen? You do know that we’re a real organisation dealing with real situations, right?” Fury asked.</p><p>“You’ve obviously read no fanfiction. It’s okay. I won’t judge you for that. Sex pollen is a substance that infects a person and the only way to cure it is to have sex with someone. It has consent issues, you see, so that’s why I stated my preferred sex pollen partner. I don’t really know the correct term so it’s kinda awkwardly written, but you get the jist. If the infected person doesn’t get cured, the effects are varied but generally you die a slow and painful death. And become a little nutty,” Darcy said.</p><p>“That’s not a real thing,” Fury said.</p><p>“But there are aliens. How do you know it’s not real? I’m just putting it out there, just in case. Just like the fact that I don’t give my permission to become a vampire to save my life, but werewolf and Asgardian are okay. It’s like when people give permission to be taken off life support if there’s no hope. I’ve put for that, only if you’ve tried magic and it’s not worked,” Darcy said.</p><p>Fury stared at her for such a long time that it was starting to make her uncomfortable. She wasn’t sure what his problem was; if any of this happened, she would be easy to deal with in such events. Besides, she was mostly joking; after all, she was a grunt and what was the chance of this happening?</p><p>“I don’t know what’s worse: the fact that you have this made up bullshit on here or that this emergency ‘partner’ is Loki. I have not heard that he is dating and, believe me, I would know. His every move is monitored as he is still on probation,” Fury said.</p><p>Darcy shrugged. “Shits and giggles; he’s hot. I mean, dude’s the God of Mischief; if he wants to hide something from you, he probably could. Plus, I doubt this will happen anyway; it’s just better safe than sorry,” Darcy said.</p><p>Fury stood up, clearly having had enough. “I’m going to send Agent Hill in here. I have some urgent business to attend to that does not involve freaky made up bullshit,” he said, leaving the room in his usual swagger.</p><p>She lent back, waiting once again. These agents were so uptight.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“So let me get this straight: You have an emergency ‘in the event that I’m mentally indisposed and need someone to have sex with me to cure me’ contact?” Maria Hill said.</p><p>“Yes. I mean, it’s mostly a joke because I read a hell of a lot of fanfiction and with all these aliens around, you can never be too careful. I mean, consent issues right? You want to save them but it’s fucked up and a moral battlefield,” Darcy said.</p><p>Maria stared at the form, seeming to think about it. “It’s probably one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever seen, but you know what? I get it. Considering the amount of aliens I’ve seen now, I can’t really afford to rule anything out,” she said.</p><p>“Plus, have you seen Thor’s biceps? They’re inhuman,” Darcy said.</p><p>“Right? You should join me for drinks with Agents May and Skye; something tells me we’d have a good night,” Maria said.</p><p>“For real? Wait, I’ve heard of Agent May from Natasha; she’s a fucking legend. You know, besides you and Natasha. She showed me a video and like, the most I’ve done is tase Thor and hit him with my car, but I still feel like a naughty child,” Darcy said. “When can I meet them?”</p><p>“Soon. For now, let’s set you up with a job,” Maria said.</p><p>“Oh my God, thank you! Man, I was starting to think I’d never get something close to my field,” Darcy said.</p><p>“We’ll get you started and…well, there’s a lot of paperwork.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Darcy was having a lot of fun with this job; she got to liaise with the Avengers, SHIELD and the general public. She got to answer some questions, which ranged from pretty normal to pretty damn strange, and some she couldn’t comment on. It was nice getting to see Jane sometimes and nice catching up with Thor. After all the moping Jane had done, they’d ended up splitting up. They seemed to be taking it well.</p><p>She didn’t see much of Professor Snape; he was apparently working on some project Tony Stark and a Dr. Helen Cho had started. She wondered what that was, but Tony wouldn’t even tell the other Avengers. She figured Pepper knew, but she was tighter lipped than the former playboy. Oh well.</p><p>Two months in brought her into an interesting project. Asgard wanted to formerly invite the Avengers and others to gather in its bling bling halls of bling and form more concrete alliances. And Maria had asked her to go. She really liked Maria; she hung out with her and a few other agents and all hell broke loose. She shot the Hydra agents without spilling her cosmo. Darcy wasn’t able to do much, though she did manage to trip one of them up. That was pretty magnificent.</p><p>The ride on the Bifrost was crazy awesome and she wanted to do it again, though she supposed that would depend on whether or not she made a good impression this time. If she fucked up and they hated her, she’d be banned. Lucky to not get the axe or whatever. Not that she thought that Thor would allow <em>that</em>, of course, but her imagination did tend to run wild.</p><p>The bridge was gorgeous. All rainbow and crystal, though not actually that; she’d have to ask Thor when she wasn’t busy admiring it.</p><p>It was quite a walk from the Observatory to the palace, but it did give her time to admire it all. It was bling bling medieval space fantasy. Now, Thor considered Asgard more advanced, but they had no cars, phones or ipods. That was pretty tragic.</p><p>Nor did they have chocolate or coffee, which was downright scandalous.</p><p>The palace was beautiful and the guards reminded her of the ones outside Buckingham palace, except less silly looking. Finally, they were led into the audience chamber.</p><p>Frigga was every bit as beautiful as she had expected and Odin was…as she expected. It was like Santa’d had a personality swap with some miserable crank. Not that she said that out loud. She hoped not, anyway. By the way that no one was looking to kill her, she figured she hadn’t.</p><p>To say that she was glad when the introductions were all done was an understatement; Thor took her back out into the city for some air and to see where he’d grown up. Jane told her to have fun and she hoped her time here was less eventful than how it had been for her. Seconded. She didn’t need some freaky elves coming back again.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Loki sat in the lab working on the project he had been helping Dr. Cho and Anthony with. The man who nicknamed everyone didn’t care for his full name, so naturally he used it. He was insufferable, but he had his amusing moments. Dr. Cho, on the other hand, was a pleasure to work with and he could fully appreciate her intelligence. He worked with them to complete their project, something that would certainly revolutionise Midgard for the better.</p><p>He hadn’t been invited to join Thor and the select group of mortals to visit Asgard, but he didn’t really care to go anyway. His relationship with Odin was tolerable at best and he was here to help the mortals to make amends for his crimes.</p><p>The group returned from Asgard later than anticipated due to an impromptu gathering of others from various realms. It had been quite the celebration, it would seem.</p><p>However, his peace and quiet was interrupted by the arrival of a panicked Thor and Jane.</p><p>“Loki, we need you in the med bay. Darcy has fallen ill with something and the mortal healers are uncertain as to what it is,” Thor proclaimed loudly.</p><p>Loki sighed. “<em>Doctors</em>, Thor. They call them doctors on Midgard.” Still, he stood up, vanishing his medical gloves.</p><p>They weren’t really necessary, but a few of the assistants had been anxious about keeping the environment and those inside it safe. He followed Thor and Jane through the corridors.</p><p>When he entered the room, he spotted the young mortal girl in a bed looking to be in a lot of pain. The Widow had her file open, announcing that she had no allergies to speak of. Loki swept in gracefully and took a place at her side.</p><p>“Please give me some space. Agent Romanov and the doctor only,” Loki spoke.</p><p>He could see that Darcy was sweating profusely and whimpering.</p><p>“When did this start and what information can you give me?” Loki asked before raising his hands above her.</p><p>“She was fine until ten minutes ago. We’ve only been back from Asgard for an hour and she has no allergies, though maybe something on Asgard that doesn’t exist here…” Agent Romanov said.</p><p>He waved his hands and brought them upwards, a glittery gold silhouette of Darcy appearing above her, much like the ones they used in Asgard. Just a little more makeshift. He could see angry red spots dotted inside her, all around her, except for her head.</p><p>“It is not an allergy, but you are correct that it is not of this realm. You had a celebration, did you know that the Elves had brought illegal substances into Asgard?” Loki shot at Thor.</p><p>Thor frowned. “No. There was a lot of dancing, but I did not notice anything untoward…” Thor said. “Why, what is it?”</p><p>Loki looked back at Darcy’s image with a deep sigh and brushed a hand through his hair.</p><p>“Sex pollen. To the elves, it enhances the libido and acts similarly to mortal drunkenness or drugs, a lot of carnal activities are then carried out. Asgard does not permit it due to its mind-altering abilities. Of course, becoming inebriated is fine; if Asgardians suddenly needed their senses back, there are ample ways to fix it. Sex pollen, however, has only one cure and it is highly immoral, especially when no prior consent has been given,” Loki said.</p><p>“Sex pollen? What is that?” The doctor asked.</p><p>“The pollen takes over and the only cure for it is sex, to put it bluntly. And this young mortal cannot consent. As you mortals put it: she is as high as a kite, so even if someone cures her, they have effectively assaulted her in the same breath,” Loki spoke.</p><p>The room became deadly silent save for Darcy’s moans. Loki looked down at her, waving away the golden silhouette. He felt sorry for her; she would either die a painful death or be molested to save her life.</p><p>Natasha flipped through the file in her hands and cleared her throat. “What if she <em>has</em> given consent already?”</p><p>Loki frowned at her. “Explain.”</p><p>“Under <em>other things</em> in her job application, she has stated an <em>emergency sex pollen sex partner </em>to contact in the event of such a thing occurring,” Natasha said.</p><p>Loki blinked at her. “She has? Are there any witnesses?” He asked.</p><p>“Nick Fury and Maria Hill can both confirm they read her application, discussed it with her and signed her application,” Natasha said.</p><p>“Then I suppose that is the consent we need, who is her contact?” Loki asked.</p><p>“You.”</p><p>“Me?”</p><p>“<em>Emergency sex pollen sex partner: Loki of Asgard, brother of Thor</em>. You can read it if you want to,” Natasha said, handing it to him.</p><p>He swallowed as he read the file, speechless. “I do not understand; I have barely said anything to her.”</p><p>“She’s a Norse buff and Loki’s her all-time favourite Norse God,” Tony said. “Terrible tastes, really, but—”</p><p>“Shut up,” Loki and Thor spoke.</p><p>“I mean, is this really…okay though? Darcy’s a bit of a joker, are we sure it wasn’t just that?” Steve asked.</p><p>Maria strode in then, having had the low-down. “What choice do we have, Steve? She seemed as serious as she gets, but either way Loki’s our only hope in saving her,” she said.</p><p>Loki rubbed his face. He didn’t like this. He really didn’t. The mortal was beautiful, of course she was, but he had never even gotten drunk and bedded a fellow drunk. This felt wrong.</p><p>“Loki, please. I know it’s not something you want to do, but there’s no other hope for her. She will understand,” Dr. Cho said, her face worried.</p><p>Loki stared down at the young woman who was currently in a lot of pain and grimaced. He’d spent a few evenings with Dr. Cho ranting about the disgusting stories they read in the mortal news and had bonded over their love of knowledge and odd sense of humour.</p><p>He sighed, nodding. There wasn’t anything else to be done. He carefully slid his arms under her shoulders and knees, pulling her into his arms. He took her slowly to his room, feeling like a monster even though the consent was there on a piece of paper. Still, he would look into her mind, see what was there.</p><p>When he entered his quarters, he locked the door and made his way into the bedroom, placing her down gently. He phased out of his shoes and climbed onto it slowly, brushing his hand along her forehead. She was hot and moaning, hands reaching out towards him. His index fingers slid to her temples and he closed his eyes, searching. His hands then flattened against the bed below her as he gazed down at her.</p><p>“I apologise, Miss. Lewis. There is no other way,” Loki murmured softly, reaching down to kiss her softly.</p><p>She elicited a squeak from him as her arms hooked around his shoulders and neck rather suddenly and tightly, lips pushed together so closely that he didn’t think they could get any closer. She rolled him over and pressed her body down on him, her arms moving, only for her hands to start ripping his clothing away from him. He tried to take hold of her, to try and calm her down some, to slow down; while this was a sign that the pain would have at least subsided a lot and be replaced with an all-empowering hunger and need…he knew that if she carried on in her crescendo, it might mean trouble for him.</p><p>His move to roll her over had her rolling them over <em>again</em> and he yelped as they fell to the floor.</p><p>“Fuck,” he breathed.</p><p>“I’m <em>trying</em>, but you’re being <em>difficult</em>,” Darcy growled.</p><p>“How about if you slow down and get back on the bed, we do that?” Loki asked.</p><p>“You were going too slow,” Darcy muttered.</p><p>“I will fuck you real hard, how about that for a compromise?” Loki lied.</p><p>It seemed to make her purr as she got up and followed his direction. He sighed in relief and sat up, most certainly not liking the feeling of the carpet against his balls. He got back onto the bed and realised she was naked too. He kissed her passionately and managed to pin her to the bed. Normally, she would not have been able to roll him over, but that was what he got for playing nice.</p><p>He grabbed her boobs, figuring that would help her. The pollen’s effects differed depending on race and, unfortunately, it was more lethal in mortals, but the cure was no different. He rolled his thumbs around her nipples as he bit her bottom lip.</p><p>“Fuck me,” she groaned.</p><p>“Relax, Miss. Lewis, I am doing the best I—”</p><p>Suddenly he felt hands on his bottom and he felt her pull him closer. Her aim wasn’t quite true, which made him wince as his hard cock hit her pubic bone. He took her by the wrists and rested his head on the bed next to hers for a moment. He heard her whimper then and he knew she was getting more desperate. He let go of her wrists to cup her face.</p><p>“Miss. Lewis, please. I promise you, I will help you, but you need to let me. However, I can see that I will need to stop trying to do this properly,” Loki murmured.</p><p>He reached down to kiss her softly as he entered her, feeling the energy buzzing inside her and her arms wrapped around his shoulders. He tried to keep his thrusts slow and gentle, but of course, she wasn’t letting him. In the end, it was easier to just go along with it, faster and harder, all the while managing to temper his strength. He was a Jotunn after all (he had to quickly rub that from his mind; adding literal <em>monster</em> to all of this would not help) and with strength beyond mortal capabilities.</p><p>He focused on getting her to her orgasm, his index finger quickly reaching her clit and stimulating that while his mouth worked her throat. Loki well and truly hoped that she was not a virgin, that he was not…</p><p>His thoughts were interrupted by the sound and feeling of her coming, to which he only happily pulled out and grasped hold of her, clutching her close to his chest as he tried to stop his tears, the sobs that wanted to burst out. He used magic to clean her up and put them into thin nightwear.</p><p>He sent a quick message to the heroes to tell them she was alright before simply holding her.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Darcy woke up the next morning and blinked around her. She was going to get up, but she realised she was aching. Then it hit her; the pain, being in the med bay, Loki, the sex…</p><p>She turned and saw that Loki was sat in a chair by the bed, unreadable expression on his face. From what she could recall, which was hazy, he’d been reluctant to help her because of the consent issues. So putting herself in his shoes, she’d feel pretty shitty. Still, what he’d done for her despite not having talked much to her…</p><p>Darcy got up onto her knees, ignoring the ache, shuffling forward to press her hands onto his stiffening shoulders.</p><p>“I know you didn’t want to, being out of my mind and all, but thanks. You saved my life,” Darcy said, then winced. “You didn’t even come yourself…”</p><p>His whole face changed into something akin to rage before he fixed it. “I take no pleasure from an act that doesn’t involve complete and direct consent,” he growled.</p><p>Darcy cupped his cheeks. “I know, I know. I’m sorry for putting you through that and I’m grateful you saved my life, I’m—”</p><p>“You are not indebted. I sent the Destroyer and risked your life once, I have made some progress in amends,” Loki said.</p><p>Darcy stroked his hair. “May I kiss you? Maybe we can end this with a truly consensual kiss,” she said.</p><p>Loki closed his eyes as their mouths touched.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> He stared at his hands as she left, right thumb rubbing at his left palm.</p><p>Maybe there was a little less blood on his hands.</p><p> </p>
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